I was going to write a little doo hickey on "dawn of the dead" and tell y'all what I thought of it. But then I saw the trailer for "Shaun of the Dead", that UK movie that's getting a lottle of WOM from geeks across the woyld.

Go to "Ain't it Cool News" and link up to that baby. I'd put the link here, but since AICN has it, you really should hook up thru dem.

Go now...

Really...

Ok, you back? Oh my goodness, oh my gracious. This just might be the "Full Monty" of zombie movies. This movie is going to be so huge. I'm telling you. File it under crossover zombie flick. A previously empty slot on your shelf.

I can't think, I'm so mad I had to sit thru our crappy American Zombie crap instead of being able to see this movie.

Oh boy oh boy oh boy.

I am exactly six weeks out from getting hitched, married, hooked up, tied down and strapped in to that roller coaster we call THE REST OF YOUR LIFE.

Oh man oh man oh man oh man.

Here's the truth about love. Love hits its apex at engagement. That's the highest point of the whole deal. Now I'm not saying it's over or even downhill (little bit) after engagement. It's just the apex. It's like chocolate chip cookies -- always good. But, amazing right out of the oven. That moment when you whip out the ring boys; that's the equivalent of cookies straight out of the oven.

Engagement is a great word for this stage in the marriage process. Because that's what the rest of your life really is, one engagement after another. First it's planning the wedding, invitations, interviews with bands, photogs, booking the space, dealing with in laws,out laws and all the rest. Then you get married, then you start planning the kids, then you have the kids, raise the kids and do all the little engagements,birthday parties, soccer matches -- whatever in between.

It's just a steady stream of errands until you die.

So yeah, enjoy being engaged -- because this is as free as life will ever be.

And the heck with you single people. I am so sick of you all. You all preach and preach to me and my married friends. "Well, marriage isn't supposed to be like that. You should never see the downside and it should be roses and puppies all the time." You people are all the same. You just don't get it. Love and marriage are two separate issues. It's like a teammate or a coworker, on the field or in the office you might HATE them. But, once you're off the clock they're your best friend in the world. That's how marriage is - hard and cruel; but it binds you together forever like POW's in 'Nam.

You have to love the other person because marriage is so freaking hard. You don't marry someone because you love them. You marry someone because they love you. Because only someone who loves you would be stupid enough to spend the rest of their life with your annoying ass.

The reason you marry someone you truly love and not just the hottest POA you can find is because marriage is like a love-meatgrinder. Marriage is like one of those giant robot drills in the Matrix and your love for eachother is like Zion. And the most we can hope for is that by the time marriage drills through the love,we'll already be dead or have slight dementia.

Bleak you say? Talk to me six weeks before your wedding.

WE REALLY CARE ABOUT YOU - NOW SHUT UP AND VOTE FOR US!!!

My problem with the world is this, pretty much all over the world we have the ability to really get it together. We have enough human beings on this planet to generate enough capital to really figure a way to feed and clothe ourselves.

So, what's the problem? Leaders. Absolute leadership, sovereignty, the dudes who are in control and don't give a crap what's going on with the little people. Each decision is a corporate stranglehold gripping tighter on everyone all being spun under the veil of morality.

I'm going to focus on where we live.

Damn it to hell really. Maybe we all do deserve to become a dust cloud. How can we let all this potential slip away?

How come everyone in America (it seems) has a voice (Blogs, Cell-ies, Email, Talk and Reality Shows starring anyone who wants to be on one), yet no one is being heard? Or, nothing is being said maybe.

We as Americans really need to stand up against this BS. Censorship? Censorship? I want to say this once and for all... Censorship?

Alright, say Howard Stern's potty mouth is dangerous to the youth of America. The same youths might I add who have to enter their schools via a metal detector. Say they are being corrupted with naughty language. So what? You think that anything that Stern says is worse than what these kids are thinking. Most importantly Stern is on between 6am and 11am. How are these kids even listening to Stern. Aren't they either supervised by parents or teachers during these hours?

Maybe they listen to it on the bus. You know what if these kids are laughing at midget lesbians instead of jotting down plans to riddle the junior high cafeteria with bullets, then I say let them laugh at the midget lesbians.

You know who should get on the anti FCC bandwagon? The music industry. Because they are so next baby. You think it's going to stop with Howard? I doubt that very much. That whole bleeping out the dirty lyrics thing -- that is so next to go. Honestly, it's like saying fudge instead of... ( I don't curse on Blogger - it's just my thing).

Speaking of sexuality and keeping it fromthe kids...

I grew up in the 80's in Indiana. And, I'll tell you what, where I'm from masturbation was considered GAY! Yes, GAY! Praise people like Stern who are helping us realize that sexuality is something we are all born with and should not be ashamed of. Because you know what? Anything we can laugh at becomes less dangerous.

Repression is the root of all evil. People like Gacy and Dahmer, who were made to feel ashamed of their sexuality became mass murderers. I'm not saying they wouldn't have done it anyway -- but, you have to admit, it seems we haven't had a repressed gay serial killer ever since Will and Grace got on the tube.

Do we go too far? Hell yes. But, it's up to the individual to decide where to draw the line. I personally have found that crossing the line is the only way for me to draw the line. I can't believe an ex cocaine user and drunk driver doesn't get that... Well, yes I really can.

When nations DICTATE morality issues and issue blanket demands over what should be individual decisions, they become religion. And if we've learned anything, religion is far more dangerous than lesbian midgets.

Only when we are left to make our own choices, can we make the right choices.

There are bigger things folks. Please, let's all jsut try to keep our eyes on the ball.
Gay Marriage performed for loving couples, Jesus Movies directed by Riggs, States governed by Terminators, Nipples exposed by divas and Interns being fired by Billionaires, long Haired old men who used to be controversial bitching about being controversial to prove they are still controversial, spoiled heiresses making videos they don't want you to see -- wink, wink. Let's remember what's really important in these times.

Ug Boots. Are they in or out. I really need to know. I thought they were out. But, I'm not sure. Are they the cockroaches of footwear -- will they survive the onslaught of hack jokes from countless morning zoos?

Everything is hack. We live in a world of email and cell phones that operate quite a pace faster than office ditto sheets and happy hours. So, as soon as a subject becomes even close to consumer culture aware -- bam! It's hunting season!

All I'm saying is..

Folks, let's take a breather on the Queer Eye parodies.

Almost a month.

Geez, I am so remiss in my duties as a blogger. It's really pathetic that I just don't keep on this every day. I realize that nobody reads this. But, I love to write and it's great practice at a form of writing which I don't pratice much. First person narrative that is. I should do a blog as a completely different person. Say maybe a caveman.

Today I waited in bushes for Mastadon family to come by. Friends all told me that Mastadon season was over as burning eye is upon us in full fury. Burning eye casts down his gaze very hard past few weeks. Burning us all with his disapproval. All of the others hide in caves waiting until burning eye goes to sleep. Only when eye is shut are the others unafraid to leave cave. Tonight, burining eye came out, but he must have been happy, because he did not fill up the sky with fire - he filled it with a low glow and a cool breath on us all. We must have done something to please the eye.

Then Gor said eye has lost his power and we should all rejoice. Soon after, burning eye opened and burned us all. We decided to tie GOR to tree and let burning eye destroy GOR as a sacrifice. Trees must be in very good favor with burning eye as burning eye would not touch GOR. We are all now very nice to trees. Thanking trees and feeding them only the best pieces of Mastadon. Trees must have known it was very old Mastadon meat as they would not touch it.
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Not really that fun. I guess I could go back and try to make it funnier. But, when I think about it -- it really reminds me of the Mark Twain short Story about Adam and Eve. And then there's the Andy Griffith bit about football...

I don't feel like explaining.

Anyway, it's all been done before.


I'm going now.

No really, I have to go.